birthdate

Your Birthdate: December 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness. You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable. You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words. You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic. You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller. Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue. There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work. You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Wildly accurate actually. Hmm. Guess I am not following the right path for me. Time to get serious.

A little pet peeve

In the last few days I have gotten sort of involved with a pagan group on Myspace.com, run by Lord Gagi Son. Not feeling too terribly secure quite yet about the folks on the site, I haven't posted this, but figure I will do it here and can always cut and paste later if it comes down to it.
This is about the witch religion commonly referred to as Wicca. I am one. I also know something about the origin of the name and its proper grammatical use. It isn't English, though it is often treated that way. Like many non-english languages, there is gender to be considered, as well as plurality. Here's what I am talking about:

Wicca- pronounced wee-chay, is masculine.

Wicce- pronounced wee-chah, is feminine.

Wiccan, pronounced wee-chen, is plural.


So , no, next time, I am not WICCAN. I am only one and female, which means I am Wicce.

It is a small thing, and probably won't be heeded generally. We Americans are a lazy lot, simplifying everything for expediency, forgetting that in doing so, we lose also the poetry. I just think those of us of the Way should pay a little more attention to the details. We claim to honour those who came before, but somehow their language is not included in that. Shame really. The words really are more beautiful in their original form.

total freak-out

I have got to log this for posterity. I just freaked myself out bigtime! Went out to do an errand, and for some reason as I got home and was walking to the door, I thought of something. This came out of the blue!
Back in 1988 I was kind of doodling at my drawing one night. I do mostly portraits, so I was drawing a face, male , young but not a teenager. i had no particular guidelines; I was just doing it to do it. Okay, I finished, liked what I saw, so eventually it ended up in my portfolio. That was the end of that -just an attractive face, anonymously all mine. I figured I might have drawn myself even, but made somewhat masculine. I put it away and unlessI was looking at it, forgot about it.

tonight, I was driving around with billy harvey's Pie album in the car CD player. no biggie- been listening to it a lot lately. It has just fit my mood. I got out of the car, and I was walking to the door, it hit me- that old anonymous drawing was no longer anonymous- it was Billy.
I pulled out the drawing and sure enough it looked like the guy on the CD cover. They are small pictures, so I went to the net and found a more or less frontal picture of him. And sat there absolutely shocked. Seventeen years ago, I drew that face!
I don't know what it means if anything, but I am freaked.

he will be in town next week. I will have to compare it with the live one.

Wild.

say what?!

You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Okay, my friend Paula sent this link to me. I don't think I have ever really thought about it. I am jusy me. Tom boy. always got along better with guys, to this day. Fluffy junk makes my skin crawl, not to speak of breaking out! Only problem I have ever found with it is guys seem to think I am too tough. They think that women who play at the "I'm helpless" bullshit need them more. What a load. And the dodos fall for it all the time, and get burned. I am looking for the guy who can see through that facade, and let me be who I am. Trust me, there is a very sensitive and gentle woman in there. She just happens to like doing some of the guy-stuff too. Let's go hiking and camping- There's much to learn about me around the campfire in the
evening.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your brain is always looking for the connections in life. You always amaze your friends by figuring out things first. You're also good at connecting people - and often play match maker. You see the world in fluid, flexible terms. Nothing is black or white.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

now this one is TOTALLY true! :)

Where were you on this date?

It is the anniversary of 9-11-2001. In the not too distant future, the kids will read about it, see it in the history book and maybe documentaries, and react to the event that changed this country and possibly this world kinda like my kids reacted to Vietnam.
They couldn't see the point for all the fuss. They didn't understand the climate that the anti-war protests, and the civil rights movements, were born in, and from. One rarely can perceive froma book what really went on. If we try to keep the emotional content under control, then we fail to express the feelings of the people. Cut and dried reporting of such events as 9-11 rarely give the student any sense of impact. We all know that from sleeping through history or government classes.

I will try to capture some of the emotions I went through that day, because I know the generations to come will not "get it" without some input like this.

I was at my job that morning. I worked for the Army, civil service computer jockey for a commissary. As I was walking past, trying to get the day in gear, one of my co-workers looked up and said to me "A plane just crashed into the World Trade Center." She seemed dismayed, but I kind of shrugged it off. A Piper Cub had hit the building before, and damage was relatively minimal. not long afterwards, on the radio in the computer room, they announced that a second plane had hit the towers. This smele dlike trouble at that point, but the true blow camefrom theone that hit the Pentagon> My dad used to work there....I played in the halls there whn I was a little kid....

Everything stopped. no one knew quite what to do. The gates of the base were closed immediately. One of the workers tried to leave and had to come back to the building. My first real thoughts were of my nephew and his girlfriend, both who work in Manhattan. My second thoughts were of other friends who lived there. I called my step-mom and demanded that she do what I could not from my job site- "Find Troy- whatever it takes- find Troy!" She lucked out, before communications became nearly impossible. He hadn't been able to get to work due to the first crash, and he and a friend watched the second one from the roof of their apartment building in Brooklyn.
His girlfriend ,now his wife, was one of those many who had to walk home over the Brooklyn Bridge. Atleast we could give the news to his badly shaken sister, mom and father. The rest...well, the horror had only just begun.

The towers started to lean, and then crumble. All we had was radio up in the office, and it sounded like something out of Orson Welles' 1938 radio show of the "war of the Worlds." It was unbelievable. It was unreal. It had to be a bad hoax, no?

It was nearly 1 o'clock before I saw the footage on the TV in the breakroom. Nothing was being done. Everyone sat in mute silence watching over and over images of the crashes and the collapse. I sank into a chair and started crying, just unable to comprehend the level of life lost, and the devestation. Our greatest city, a target, one of the most amazing buildings in the world, gone..... I didn't know what to think. I don't think any of us did. If one watched the most realistic horror action film, and tripled the emotional involvement one could experience, it wouldn't come close to what this nation felt that moment. For an astounding moment, we were all, colour, religion, social status unmentioned, looking in the same direction, of one mind, and one shattered heart.

The enemy did not understand then, or maybe even now: you united us in a way nothing else could probably ever have. It will be your own downfall in time.

schizotype

I know what I am now.

Science has found that point where genius and insanity dance together on lightest of toes, along the thinnest tightrope imaginable. They twirl and step and threaten to tumble either way. I know them well. There are times I think my creativity will break through my skull and leave this body lifeless on the floor, and other times when the abyss threatens to suck me in full force. I am never sure which will be there on what day.

what I am talking about is a scientifically found definition of those of us who may appear normal on the outside, but in fact are walking that thin line between creativity and insanity. I cannot say the number of times I have wondered if my brain was trying to get out of my head. Now I see some reason for what I have experienced in this life.
It seems that some people may have either stronger connections between the hemispheres of the brain, or at the very least, a greater usage of the right hemisphere, which is the seat of abstract thought. In turn, that is believed to be the place where the normal or average is given new perspective by someone. That is creativity: seeing something wholly different in the ordinary. I personally have always wondered exactly what the ordinary is.
I have long believed in my observation of this world that people choose to turn off the impulses coming in from all sides, to pay attention to only a remote few, because it gets overwhelming. Those are the ones I would call mundanes. They do not find anything out there worth paying attention to for more than a few moments. It is one of the reasons TV is so successful. If outside stimuli are in control, then I don't have to think for myself.

Most of the really vreative people I know, those who think outside the proverbial box, would fit to some extent into this definition. The word is schizotype, and www.livescience.com had an article on it recently. I suspect there will be more soon. I wonder if they will find a link between migraines and this new-found mega-use of the right hemisphere. I think I have!
I have long said to those around me who know how much I think that I expect the stroke any day. Sometimes the headaches can be so bad I can't see or hear or feel without it hurting me so much that I want to scream. Drug induced oblivion is one of the few escapes. I must say though that I have found some relief by taking omega oils regularly. It controls my bipolar tendencies and the headaches. I get fewer now by far than ever before in my life. That is a blessing I cannot say enough thanks for! I have quite literally pounded my head on the concrete floor trying to make a migraine stop. Didn't work, incidentally.

anyway, enough ranting about this. I now understand myself a little better, due to science. I don't know how much it will help when I have the attacks of the weirds that I get (or should that be Wyrds?- The Ladies are in control, after all.) I wil at least be able to give this oddness of myself definition to those who don't have it now.

I wonder if that will kill the artist mystique, or enhance it.