I know what I am now.
Science has found that point where genius and insanity dance together on lightest of toes, along the thinnest tightrope imaginable. They twirl and step and threaten to tumble either way. I know them well. There are times I think my creativity will break through my skull and leave this body lifeless on the floor, and other times when the abyss threatens to suck me in full force. I am never sure which will be there on what day.
what I am talking about is a scientifically found definition of those of us who may appear normal on the outside, but in fact are walking that thin line between creativity and insanity. I cannot say the number of times I have wondered if my brain was trying to get out of my head. Now I see some reason for what I have experienced in this life.
It seems that some people may have either stronger connections between the hemispheres of the brain, or at the very least, a greater usage of the right hemisphere, which is the seat of abstract thought. In turn, that is believed to be the place where the normal or average is given new perspective by someone. That is creativity: seeing something wholly different in the ordinary. I personally have always wondered exactly what the ordinary is.
I have long believed in my observation of this world that people choose to turn off the impulses coming in from all sides, to pay attention to only a remote few, because it gets overwhelming. Those are the ones I would call mundanes. They do not find anything out there worth paying attention to for more than a few moments. It is one of the reasons TV is so successful. If outside stimuli are in control, then I don't have to think for myself.
Most of the really vreative people I know, those who think outside the proverbial box, would fit to some extent into this definition. The word is schizotype, and www.livescience.com had an article on it recently. I suspect there will be more soon. I wonder if they will find a link between migraines and this new-found mega-use of the right hemisphere. I think I have!
I have long said to those around me who know how much I think that I expect the stroke any day. Sometimes the headaches can be so bad I can't see or hear or feel without it hurting me so much that I want to scream. Drug induced oblivion is one of the few escapes. I must say though that I have found some relief by taking omega oils regularly. It controls my bipolar tendencies and the headaches. I get fewer now by far than ever before in my life. That is a blessing I cannot say enough thanks for! I have quite literally pounded my head on the concrete floor trying to make a migraine stop. Didn't work, incidentally.
anyway, enough ranting about this. I now understand myself a little better, due to science. I don't know how much it will help when I have the attacks of the weirds that I get (or should that be Wyrds?- The Ladies are in control, after all.) I wil at least be able to give this oddness of myself definition to those who don't have it now.
I wonder if that will kill the artist mystique, or enhance it.