I have just become painfully aware that I am too jealous a person for relationships.
I had thought it was just my refusal to be the *@(@$*% barbie doll bullshit creatures that men seem to be attracted to for some equally masochistic reason, but that's apparently not it. I am insecure- never denied that- but now I realise it is almost to the point of an illness. I will NOT fight over a guy. I refuse. If he doesn't want me, and can be tempted away too easily by words from another, he's not for me.
That's probably asking a lot of most guys too. Never thoughtI'd say it, but it looks like I am rather high-maintenance. I need security in more than just a monetary sense. I have been neglected and abandoned several times in this life, and possibly others, and it is colouring how I deal with this life. I am tough- damned tough- or I wouldn't have survived this long. But I am a healer, a gentle, empathetic soul, and I guess I am looking for a protector. Ironically, that is the last thing I seem to attract.
A knight in shining armour? I don't think I am that naive. What I do think is that I need something that men of this day are not trained well to be. We've been so busy trying to get them in touch with their sensitive side that the other part, the one that wants to be the protector for POSITIVE reasons, has gotten suppressed or bloated out of proportion.
I hated the freaking song in the '80's but it may be a truer statement than I'd like to admit: I need a hero.
ah me. Sadly, I think I speak for a lot of women. I know many who will probably nod in agreement as they read this. Wonder if they too can find the guts to admit it.